Category Archives: good habits

Garden Care

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2019 is the Year of Care for me. And in keeping with this theme I am sorting out systems to make life run smoothly.

I have struggled with the lawns. DH kept saying hire someone. We did briefly but we weren’t impressed so that stopped. I carried on mowing them myself erratically rather than regularly. The grass got away on me.

This week I asked for recommendations and contacted someone and they came and started straight away. Can I just say, the lawns look amazing. The place looks tidy. I have asked the company to continue regularly. This is one system in place. A step in the right direction. Progress.

Long nails finally

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For the first time in 50 years I have long nails. Almost to manicure length. (I think they are but probably they are shorter than that.) Naturally. They are strong.

I have bitten my finger nails and the skin around my finger nails all my life. I have tried to give up many times. I’ve tried all the remedies, from gloves to sitting on my hands to painting on foul tasting nail polish. Nothing worked. The desire to stop was always there but I just could not stop. It was frustrating. It was embarrassing. They were ugly. I have never worn rings apart from my wedding band because I didn’t want to draw attention to my nails, or lack of them.

Like I have mentioned before stopping alcohol was easy. The decision to stop was hard. I’m not quite sure how I stopped biting my nails. There was no epiphany. It just happened. I cannot explain it. I can feel my nails now when I squeeze my fingers into the palm of my hand. Typing now on the keyboard now is different. Things most people take for granted are completely new for me.

Deciding no to alcohol has had many knock-on effects. This has been a most surprising one. An amazing one. I am ready to book my first manicure and be pampered. I have had many pedicures but never a manicure.

My anxiety has dropped off with stopping alcohol. Noticeably so. This must be part of why I am no longer biting my finger nails. To be honest I don’t really care how it occurred, I am just happy this has finally happened.

If you have tried everything to stop biting your nails and nothing has worked for you, try giving up alcohol and watch what happens.

One thing I could never do and that was play guitar because my nails weren’t there. I picked up a guitar in my late teens but knew it wasn’t going to work out. It was hard. It was painful. Maybe, just maybe, I might give it another go.

Time to raid my jewellery box and see what’s at the bottom.
I can wear rings!!!

Possibilities: Guitarist, Hand Model, YouTube Cooking Show Host

Sober Treat today was pick up pepperoni pizza with chili flakes on the patio.

101 Tokens App

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This app started the ball rolling. 101 Tokens. A little but powerful app that asks you to record the days that you drink alcohol, to comment whether it was worth it or not, and record where you drank and with whom. You can record what you drank and the volume but that’s up to you.

The point of the app is to shine a light onto your drinking habits and to learn to drink in moderation. Limiting yourself to up to 101 days per year of indulging in drinking alcohol.

One token per day, whether you had one glass or twenty. One token per day. And was it worth it? Stopping to ask yourself was it worth it was a good exercise.

I remember last year trying it and by March my numbers were high so instead of facing my drinking habits I stopped using the app. Problem solved said the ostrich to the sand.

When written down in black and white with the fast accumulation of the number of tokens, it was hard to ignore. The results shouldn’t have surprised me but they did. I may have stopped using the app but the number of tokens shocked me. Learning to curb your drinking and consume in moderation didn’t seem like a solution for me. I would want to be the best. At consumption? What an achievement! To be honest I had grown tired of drinking. It didn’t have the results I wanted and it required that I consume more to try and obtain the effects. Hardly a win win situation. A dangerous slippery slope plus an expensive one too.

My choice in wine, beer and spirits were tasteful. Expensive. Not always but I knew what I liked. Living Sober website clicks over your estimated amount you would spend on alcohol per week and it keeps accumulating with time. I have already saved four figures.

I would hate to calculate how much I have spent over the years on the liquid called alcohol. Could I have bought a house? Probably. I don’t have buyer’s remorse. I don’t feel ashamed. Sheepish perhaps but I mostly have wonderful memories. Alcohol was entwined with all my memories. I cannot erase it, without it the memory becomes a redacted memo with black marker throughout and the meaning becomes lost. That I don’t want nor do I need it. It was my life. A part of me. It was fun mostly. It was my way of celebrating life. Or on occasion commiserating. Or just because. I am not glorifying drinking but it was what it was. Enjoyable at the time. Until it wasn’t.

101 Tokens is doing great things. It started in Australia and it has spread far and wide. 75 countries. If you are drinking and want to see how you fare, download the free app today and check it out.

I still have the app on my phone. Not because I intend to drink again but as a reminder not to drink.

Thank you 101 Tokens. I am now a Smart Sober.

Why did I do it?

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Why did I drink in the first place? I have no idea.

Today I claimed back the garden patio area with an evening drink of a mango and ginger salt lassi. The garden is now a place of peace, a place of fun and laughter and deep and meaningful and silly thoughts and ideas. The cicadas are out in force. The only thing absent now is alcohol from the scenario.

I like me without alcohol. Correction. I love me without alcohol. I don’t wish to ever drink again. Please quote me on this if I ever get wobbly thoughts.

Today is a good day.

I feel like I have turned a corner. For those of you who have been sober for years bear with me. I have been sober for 73 days. Many experiences are seen through new eyes now and I am so enjoying them sober.

Sober, sober, sober, yayyyyyyyy yo.

A woman standing behind me at the supermarket checkout queue had a basket full of rose wine and fresh corn. I didn’t feel anything when I looked at the wine. I did however notice that she had three bottles. I am glad that is no longer me. I think I notice more at the supermarkets now: what and how much people are drinking and I am quietly staggered how much money and effort my society puts into the pursuit of drinking. I am marveling at the money I am saving. My frugal nature is loving this new sober side of me.

I managed to get up early today. And was out the door running errands and getting things done. I even had shopping lists with me. I am beginning to plan better. Today was a successful day.

I do like Mondays.

Drinks on the patio

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The patio area lounges expectantly waiting for me in the cool evenings. The mosquitoes are absent, the candles are ready to be lit. The solar lanterns are on. The only one missing is me.

I kept wondering why I wasn’t outside enjoying the evenings. It was only today that I twigged as to why. I associated being outside with an ice bucket and a rose bottle, or a corona with lime, sitting chatting over a glass or bottle or two.

Stupid really that I am depriving myself of sitting/lounging outside because I don’t drink anymore. Now I know why I am avoiding the area I will change it to make it more attractive to be there. I think I will make a point of going outside and claiming the space again this evening. Time to start making “fun drinks” to amuse myself. I might get into making my version of bubble tea. Or an iced ginger tea.

My sober treat today was buying stationery, Moleskine notebooks. I love the feel and shape of them. I’m saving a tonne of money by not drinking. Buying stationery is a excellent alternative. Can’t wait to fill them up with ideas, thoughts and sketches.

Okay is better than perfect

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One small action no matter how small is a step in the right direction. Even if poorly done is better than none.

61%, 72%, 85%, 93% anyone of those is okay.
If we try at 100% everyday we have no back up, no reserves.
If we try at 80% everyday we have a spare 20% waiting for if or when it is needed.
Rest and holding reserves are necessary.
Like with an iPhone battery if we charge it to 100% every time we actually reduce the capacity of the battery, whereas if we charge to 80%-90% and unplug we don’t run into the same issues.

I know 100%, perfection is unattainable. Yet I still strive for it subconsciously.

I used to try doing things perfectly. It would drive me crazy never being able to attain what I strove for. It was unhealthy. It was insanity. It was irritating. It was frustrating. Many things.
I see the damage in striving for perfection. It’s obvious when you stand back and look from a distance. When you are in the middle of it, perfection seems magical, easily attainable if one just puts in the time and effort, just a little more.

Now as I said I know that perfection is unattainable so I have gone the other extreme, not bothering at all. If I cannot do it perfectly then I’m not going to try. It won’t be good enough. This is ridiculous thinking. Nothing to do with being sober or not. It’s a give up mentality. Catherine Tate’s character Lauren springs to mind, “I ain’t bothered.”

Waiting for something to get the point of needing to be addressed is not the time to start doing something about it. Regular maintenance on a car is better than waiting for it to break down before fixing it. I can see the logic of it. I know doing something poorly is better than not doing it at all. I am on the other side of perfection. The mentality is the same just on the other side of the coin. The sticking point is perfection.

I must let go of perfectionism. This new phase of my life, this new sober me, has begun. It requires growth on my part. Effort. Effort I am willing to make because I want to always be continuously learning, becoming a better me.

A lack of consistency trips me up most times. I start with good intentions but give up and lose interest. Perhaps this is a safety mechanism, built in? Who knows? Doing something, anything is better than doing nothing. Not always but mostly.

One small action no matter how small is a step in the right direction. Even if poorly done is better than none.

Newton’s 3rd Law

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Motivation will not appear before me and urge me forward. Passion will not miraculously appear and wave its wand over me, transforming me into passionate. These are things I must act upon myself. Newton Third Law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. When we perform no action, nothing will happen. Nothing will come to me, I must seek it out. Ready for action.

Idleness is unbecoming in large doses. I idled last week. I didn’t go anywhere, do anything. I can’t say I coasted, that implies moving forward; there was no action, so I did not. Rest, idleness is necessary but I over indulged. It no longer stayed as rest it morphed into something else. Uncomfortable, uneasy.

The week began well last week.
Gym: Twice
The gym helps my soul, it is not just a physical exercise.
Keep at it. Go more often.
Morning Pages: Thrice
MP Writing. Not consistent. Show up everyday.
Whole Foods: Seven
Whole Foods: Regular breakfast of homemade toasted muesli, yoghurt, pomegranate arils and ground linseed is a well formed consistent habit. A new batch is cooling as I write.

Status: SOBER 66 DAYS
Well done. Keep it up.

Day 52

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In bed by 11pm after a long soak in an Epsom salt bath with a book. More reading till almost midnight. Lights out. I relaxed every part of my body in anticipation of sleep. Sleep didn’t come. 1:30am rolled around. Light on again. More reading. Light off. Calling quiet now for sleep. Less tossing and turning and sighing last night. Managed to get to sleep somewhere around two. Better. Not great but better. Doesn’t help when my cats wake me up at 7:30am greeting me with ciaos and demanding food and acknowledgement with a tummy rub. I get up without a grizzle. I do it with love and wander off to the toilet before heading back to bed and more sleep. The alarm clock said 8am. I changed it back to 9am. Even then it wasn’t enough. 10am and finally I emerged. Bleary eyed. Not rearing to go but up.

Sleep is not my BFF anymore. I don’t know where we went wrong. It all happened around the time I became sober. I stayed up late instead of going to bed. The evenings were long. I sat in a daze of what now. Either I abandoned sleep or she abandoned me. I’m trying to get in sleep’s good graces but it is an effort. Worth it but exhausting.

Showing up is showing commitment and I will show up before midnight every night and wait patiently for sleep. I won’t get frustrated if she doesn’t show. I won’t get angry. I will not sigh. I will not toss and turn and wrestle with the sheets. I will persevere. Sleep will come around again. I may get up and wander the house and do something else but I will come back to bed and try again. Patience and perseverance will prevail.

The gym today. I made it. I walked on the treadmill to the words of my audio book. I cycled for a bit. Then I jumped onto a bosu ball and tottered awkwardly about. And done. Heat rate elevated more than usual so I took it easy.

Grit The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth is my book for the evenings. It is almost finished. It is fascinating. It is difficult to put down. Perhaps it is the wrong choice to have beside the bed. Instead it should be a boring/difficult book. One hard to pick up rather than one to put down. I will be onto the next soon and it will no longer matter.

Day 51

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Being sober is the easy part. The decision to become sober was difficult. Finding what to do next and how to do it is the struggle. More the “how” really.

I am sober but the habits that surrounded the alcohol are still with me. Tidying and cleaning, basically housework in general is not something I excel at. Our home looks lived in. It is not a show home. It has books and comfortable couches and day beds. It has things scattered on the floor. It is not ready for visitors or guests. That’s okay for now.

I used to strive for perfection. Then I realised that it was ridiculous. I still try but not to the extent I used to do. I overdo things and need a gentle nudge to stop trying to do everything at once. I am finding more peace with dropping perfection, guilt, paranoia and regret. These things I dropped before becoming sober. Anxiety is still with me but in a much weaker form. Depression is with me too but I recognise it, accept it and have learnt to live with it better. Fear is still with me. Fear is holding me back. I know this. I recognise this. I aim to challenge myself and make the fear smaller or contained. First though comes care. I need better care before I can face fear.

The past two years I chose to face things. Facing something is scary. It is easier to postpone, to look elsewhere. It is difficult to face something but once faced it removes a brick in the wall that surrounds yourself. It allows you to find lightness, makes it easier to breathe.

Facing something allows you to move on.

Insomnia is taking a hint and edging towards her packed bags at the door. I am managing to get to sleep by about 2am. Huge improvements for me. I took a bath with Epsom salts, 2 cups worth and soaked while reading a book with tea and a nice candle. It was relaxing. I had forgotten the magnesium in Epsom salts. Magnesium sulphate, of course. One source of increasing my magnesium.

Accidentally kicked my Epsom salts glass jar in the bathroom a few weeks ago. Sober. Glass and salt everywhere. Yikes. That stopped my habit dead. I want a replacement jar for it but something unbreakable. Zip lock bag will have to suffice for now. The jar was in the corner out of the way I thought but my foot found it regardless. Clumsiness is still with me.

I made it to the gym once this week. I did mini habits twice. I am eating better. I am enjoying homemade toasted muesli and adding more fruit and vegetables to my life. My weight is going down. The scales are showing me numbers that I haven’t seen in months. A healthier me is beginning to show.

Reading is my rock. Non fiction, fiction, doesn’t really matter. My list of books to read is getting longer and my tangents are dividing as I explore further. Learning and leisure is for everyone.

Progress made. Half way through this week I got lost but I found my way back again. Onwards.

Day 46

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Went to the gym, the supermarket and then the library. Had a whole food brunch of toasted muesli, fresh mango with milk after getting home.
Froze the leftover mangoes, 29c each. Very cheap. Bought five.
Froze the pomegranate arils from two pomegranates.
Bought vegetables, fruit and fish.
I have lost 3 kilograms since becoming sober. That is without trying.
I am adding new food into my life. I am not banishing food as such. I am making better choices. That’s it really.
Today is a good day.
Listening to WBGO while I organise the kitchen bench. Late night jazz is much better than day time jazz. This afternoon it sounds like elevator music. I could go for another station but it’s like a comfortable coat. Snug.

I have scaled back my mini habits to the recommended FOUR. I have placed the other three into another category. I am learning to be kind to myself.

I appreciate the supportive comments as I embark on this journey of mine. I feel light in the fact that there are so many hands helping me along the way. I have many book recommendations from readers also. Thank you. My list to read is getting longer. I am starting on a new one, Grit The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth.

5:30am and the sun is coming up and I am going to sleep. My neighbour’s light was on. Early to rise, early to bed. I wish that were me. Eventually I will get back to that. Exercise, better food, sober, mostly caffeine free. I am not after a quick fix. I am after a better lifestyle. I love the changes I am making. Proper sleeping hours will come back. I used to drop off to sleep so quickly. Patience.

My cats look happy and confident. They are spoilt rotten. Rescued brother and sister, they arrived scared and wide eyed over a year ago. They are growing up. They always make sure to nap within sight of me. One of them loves to sleep on woven supermarket bags. Simple tastes. On top of or inside, she doesn’t mind. Right now they are outside exploring the jungle of the backyard. Bird watching or roof climbing I presume.