Rain of the rooftop

It rained yesterday and the day before yesterday for the first time in ages. I swore I was going to sit outside in the rain but I chickened out and danced inside instead. The simple joy of hearing the rain on the roof, what a joy it was.

Noticing the little things is one of life’s simple pleasures.

One of my cats sits with his head out the cat door staring at the rain. His body sitting nicely inside appearing headless. Watching rain fall is soothing, magical and mesmurising. My cat mindfully appreciates the rain. Isn’t he clever? I have so much to learn from him

I love the sound the rain makes as it falls on the roof. The sound of it gurgling down the down-pipe. The stillness in the air. The cicadas quiet. The smell of parched soil gulping their share of water and then some. The dampness in the air. A dropping of the temperature. The need to wear socks again after months of bare feet. The peaceful feeling of being blanketed by rain when inside the house. I love the rain.

Friday I dashed through the rain dodging puddles without an umbrella off to my appointment. I felt like I was five again. I walked slowly as I crossed the street reveling in the raindrops as they landed on my body. I got wet. I didn’t mind one little bit.

What did you notice today?

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Kick The Drink…Easily

Kick The Drink…Easily by Jason Vale
Book Review 5/5

Commonsense, straight forward, repetitive in a logical way. Dispels the myths of drinking and encourages the mindset to embrace freedom rather than recovery. Jason Vale is known for his juicing books but I just stumbled upon him with a recommendation from where I don’t remember anymore.So glad I did.

My final drink was over three months ago. So why am I reading this now? It’s a popular book and I was on the waiting list at the library. In every book about alcohol you can gain something positive from it surely. This book has it in bucketfuls.

Not a quick read. I mean it makes you think. You will want to go away and linger over a point. Mull it. Pun intended. And then go back to it. It is not a light read, like a summer novel. I didn’t finish it in one sitting. It took me a week. Unusual for me. It’s an important read. It was for me.

Jason’s style is one you will either run with or despise. He repeats himself, on purpose, to hammer in the importance of his points. As he says alcohol is the mostly widely available, accepted and legal drug in the world. It will not be going away anytime soon. The alcohol industry is a behemoth and all that tax goes to the governments so pulling the plug on that won’t be happening. And besides if we are told no, don’t we want it even more?

This book reinforces the belief that no willpower is required to becoming a non-drinker. I attest to that. The decision to not drink alcohol is a difficult one because we fear it will be difficult. That fear is unfounded. Not drinking is easy. Or it was for me. The decision not to drink was difficult. Fear stopped for ages. That fear was unfounded.

The world for me is newly exciting. I have found confidence, joy, more money in the bank and freedom without alcohol. The advantages are countless. The disadvantages none.

I am running with it, this new found freedom. I am not waiting for something to happen to me. I am living life. I no longer have hangovers. I can drive myself anywhere at anytime. I don’t compare my drinking habits with others. I don’t count my drinks. I don’t count my days not drinking. I am free of it all. It feels good. I feel good.

If you are thinking about taking your last drink or have already taken your last drink you will enjoy this book. Perhaps you wonder what the fuss is all about and are just curious. That’s what started you drinking in the first place. Don’t take my word for it. Read it yourself and make your own mind up.

I am no longer counting…

I am no longer counting the days I am sober. My milestone was 90 days and I am past that now. Am I pleased with myself? Absolutely. Will I remember the one year anniversary when it rolls round later this year? Absolutely. However I will no longer counting my days. Why not? I am free of alcohol. I am not sentenced to 90 days or 6 months sober. I am free of the drug alcohol. I am not deprived by not drinking. I am gaining life. For that I am thankful and grateful.

Kick The Drink…Easily! by Jason Vale.

Just started reading the book and it makes a lot of sense.

Counting days is great if you are counting down, waiting excitedly for a joyous occasion. Those are good counts. Could be a birthday, an anniversary, a new family member, a graduation, a new job, a wedding, or a driver’s license.

Counting up is like wrapping yourself around the anchor of the poison. Instead of releasing yourself you are chaining yourself to the ball of poison. How many links away am I now? 90 links? No matter how far away you are you are still linked to the poison. Today I am breaking that bond.

I was using the website Living Sober to count and would check in every so often and check out the counter there to see how I was doing. Did I need to? No. I knew how I was doing without needing to check. I wanted a number. The bigger the the number the better. I don’t need a number anymore. I am thankful and grateful I don’t drink.

My trainer wheels are off. I am walking on my own two feet. I no longer have to say, one, two, to myself, as I step. I’ve got this.

Back to reading and the garden.

Aren’t I a hypocrite. Didn’t I say I wasn’t counting but then in the very next sentence I say 90 days? I’m confused.
I’m not. This is my logic. It all makes perfect sense. I am linking myself to a date in time. I am not linking myself with a length of time. A length of time takes more calculation and consideration to add up. Whereas a date in time is just that, a date. I am simplifying my life. See, that makes a whole lot of sense, right?

5am revisited

My body thinks that 5am means going to bed at 5am.
Getting up at 5am isn’t going to happen for me. I give up for now.

Insomnia is still with me. Hard physical work, long Epsom salt baths, lavender tea, going to bed early just isn’t working.

I am just going to roll with the hours and see where it takes me. Sleep when my body says sleep. Not because it’s the norm. This morning it was almost 5am that I got to sleep. It wasn’t for the love of trying.

I give up. I surrender. Sleep: do your worst. I will follow your lead.

In the garden

This is where I have been for the last while.

Feeling the earth.

Getting dirty.

Feeling the wind.

Sweating.

Moving my body.

Improving the garden.

Drinking lots of water.

Listening to and observing the insects and birds

My pace is slower than I had hoped but I’m okay with it.

Enjoying evening baths.


5am

I got watching a YouTuber and how they are now getting up every morning at 5am. I thought YES. I can try this too. Insomnia is with me and if I can shake her off smartly I can start a new habit.

I set my alarm for 5am. I got to bed at 1am. My reminder to go to bed did go off at 9:30pm. I ignored it. I lay in bed willing sleep to come. I tried relaxing all parts of my body one by one. Nothing seemed to help. My phone was charging in the hall. So one good thing was no electronic device in the bedroom. Sleep didn’t really come to me. I tried for an hour. I decided to get up. Yes. Really. I decided that I was going to kickstart my new habit. I got up as if it were morning.

I had a bath and read a book, Between the World and Me. Couldn’t put it down. Such a good book. Put my book away. Washed my hair and got ready for my new day. I had breakfast and ate mindfully. I then went and sat down at my desk and wrote my three pages, my morning pages.

It still wasn’t 5am yet. It was dark outside and I had completed three tasks already. I felt almost at a loss of what to do next. I am never up this early. One thing the woman from YouTube said was to ask yourself why you are wanting to get up early. And not to hit the snooze button when the alarm goes off. Get up immediately.

I was already up.

Managed to snooze for 2 hours during the day but found it hard staying up all day. Day one of the 5am starts wasn’t that successful. Yes I was up. Yes I started my day earlier but it was all such a shock to my system.

Day 2 of trying my 5am starts. Had a cat visit to the vet that day so it was stressful. Vaccinations. Played hide under the bed for 10 minutes. One didn’t want to get into the cage. One didn’t want to get out. Went to bed by 10pm. I was exhausted. All good. Changed my clock to a 6am wake up. Woke up at 3am. Turned my alarm off. Slept for another 8 hours. Attempt 2 at 5am starts was a disaster. Effort 0/10. Sleep 10/10 A win against insomnia.

Haven’t given up. Will try again tonight to get an earlier night.

Do I have my head around this idea properly yet? I wonder if I really do.

Why am I trying to get up early? I want to be more active. I want to start the day better. I want to enjoy the peace and quiet of the morning. I want to eat breakfast leisurely. I want to write during the quiet time. I want to be awake to enjoy the sun rise.

Are these my hands I see before me?

I swear I am not making this up. I really do wonder whose hands I have before me. These fingers with long nails and now nail polish. They really look so foreign to me. The nails are strong and longer than they have ever been. The nail polish on, bright and show-offy. Look at me. Yes. Look at me. Again. And again. They are really me. They are mine.

The hand moves up to my face and rests on my cheek. Waiting for a comment. A compliment. Compliments have been given already the day before. The newness of it all is wearing thin on others but for me I am shamelessly hinting and encouraging more.

I am like a 5 year-old with new school shoes, marching round the house in front of everyone and around and around until I am dizzy.

Will this novelty ever get old? The joy of long nails. I don’t think it will get old. I think this will spark joy for me for a very long time. After all, I have waited for this for 50 years. I can even tap my fingers on my computer and make a noise with my nails. Yes. An annoying sound but it is a noise just the same. I have never been able to make this sound before. I can now open cans with a pull ring by myself. I no longer need a knife to lever the tab up. Scratching my head sounds different too. Fascinating.

Seems such a frivolous thing to be so excited about but it so much more than long nails. Anxiety is melting away. Really has anyone else experienced long nails after stopping drinking? I mean that is the only thing that has changed.

Day 85 sober. I am almost at the three month mark. It is rolling around so quickly. How does it make me feel? Best decision ever. This decision to be sober. Wouldn’t go back to drinking. I say that now but earlier this evening I heard a new piece of music and I thought this would be good with a glass of wine. I didn’t follow up with getting a glass or anything. The thought floated up. I voiced my thought. And then it was gone. There was no desire to drink. It was a random thought. An old thought of mixing music and wine.

Insomnia is still with me. It is 3:36am and I am still awake. The rain patters on the roof. The crickets chirp in the night. The cats sleep sprawled out on the couch floating in a deep sleep. For now summer and insomnia are linking hands and running away through the fields. I don’t mind too much. The evenings are pleasant and I enjoy the stillness and the coolness after the hot sun of the day. When autumn comes I hope insomnia will be tired of playing with me and wander off and disturb some poor unsuspecting soul. I think my turn is almost up. I cannot be too greedy with insomnia’s time. She should share her talents with someone else. Like I said her bags are packed by the door. But she is too busy laughing and enjoying the moment. Patience. It is all I can ask for.

Did you see my nails? Yes, they are long, aren’t they. Yes. They’re my own. Yes. It’s a lovely shade. Shameless Red, maybe? I have no idea what it’s called. Did you say something? I was just gazing at my nails. Sorry? What?

Rubber ducky

It may not seem like a big deal but it is, it really is. I have removed the champagne cork from my key ring and replaced it with a pink rubber ducky. The duck used to be purple and would change colour depending on the heat. Pink in hot weather, purple in cool weather. Now she is permanently pink. She’s old.

My cork collection is still in the too hard basket. I first need to put them all together. That would be step one. Put them all in one bag. Then step 2 would be I store them in the garage. For just in case? I am really sounding like a hoarder. Then step three would be to put them in the recycling bin.

Cork Collection

I have a pile of corks, saved diligently over the years. What do I do with them now? I have made a cork board already.

I don’t quite know how to deal with them. I don’t feel I can get rid of them. My car key chain is a champagne cork. I keep meaning to replace it with something else more appropriate. Haven’t found a replacement. Was thinking of a rubber duck.

The cork

Keeps its head above water,
No matter the weather,
Comes from a fine stock,
The older the better,
Cannot sink,
Regardless how deep it goes,
Can squeeze into small spaces,
Or fly like the wind,
Stops conversations dead,
Livens the party,
Looks ravishing,
Simply,
The cork.

Garden Care

2019 is the Year of Care for me. And in keeping with this theme I am sorting out systems to make life run smoothly.

I have struggled with the lawns. DH kept saying hire someone. We did briefly but we weren’t impressed so that stopped. I carried on mowing them myself erratically rather than regularly. The grass got away on me.

This week I asked for recommendations and contacted someone and they came and started straight away. Can I just say, the lawns look amazing. The place looks tidy. I have asked the company to continue regularly. This is one system in place. A step in the right direction. Progress.