Hope

Thank you to all those you supported me with kind words. It means a lot. I’m coming out of my funk. It has been almost a month since I last posted anything. I see hope. I feel joy again.

I asked for books to read but it turned out I couldn’t read. I would get to the introduction and just not get any further. Yes, I am one of those people who read an introduction. I gave up and went visual and stuck to film, dramas, YouTube and documentaries. Swedish and Polish detective dramas were a hit. I discovered The Last Kingdom. Loved it. Highly recommend. I watched a lot of video. Wild bears in hammocks even. And I slept a lot. I do not exaggerate when I mean a lot. I didn’t worry when I slept. If I got up at seven in the evening that was acceptable too. Anything was acceptable. I am back to reading again. I have the joy of reading back again. Hallelujah.

I couldn’t write either. My morning three pages became three lines to none at all. I didn’t despair. I accepted that it wasn’t to be. Instead I went visual. I was writing five dreams daily. Not dreams as in while sleeping but dreams for the future. I couldn’t write as I mentioned. Writing down dreams was out of the question. Instead I continued with the dreams with five pictures daily of something to dream about. I started off with a photo of a woman climbing a wall. Rock climbing indoors. Literally climbing walls. Another was a cup of tea. Masala chai. A boat. A pool. A book. A woman reading. And so on. I wrote a few words of encouragement to myself and dated it. Five pictures a day. I started on 1 May 2020 and have managed to continue on up till today. I cut and pasted pictures from the internet and placed it on a page in a file. I saved a new page each day and kept adding another page and then another. Copying and pasting new pictures each day. It is enjoyable to look at. Visually beautiful and inspiring. I will continue with it.

Dreams are what they are. They are big and small. Nothing is too big or too small. Some are based in reality some seem impossible. Nothing can stop you from dreaming. They are yours to indulge in. Dreams come and go. Some remain steadfast. Others go poof and disappear as quickly as they arrived. What are yours?

Walking four times last week helped immeasurably. Not being able to get out of bed to going for a walk. From night to day. The power of movement is not to be taken lightly. All I can do now is to continue. One foot in front of the other. Fresh air. Sunshine. And repeat.

I lay in the park on the grass on a slight incline. Staring up at the sun with my eyes closed, worshiping that big ball of light. It felt good. It felt warm. The underside of my forearms hadn’t seen sunlight in forever. They soaked up Vitamin D hungrily. It was a small moment of joy. We have had a drought for months so the grass is dry and surprisingly still green. It is a wonderful sight looking out over wide open spaces of green grass and trees and big blue skies. I appreciate my local park. I am grateful.

Sober as a single blade of green grass.

14 thoughts on “Hope

  1. I love the idea of dream visuals! I am very early in sobriety (finishing day 2 whoop!) and new to sober blogging and can see that the dream technique would be great for tough days too. For me, it’s getting out of my small current moment into the wild width of a bigger life that seems key to getting through rough spots. Dream visuals would help! Thanks for sharing, for your honesty, and for your hope. XX

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So glad to hear you are coming out of depression!
    It’s hideous. I remember people telling me to just snap out of it, as if I could.
    Getting outside for walks were one of the first steps I found that helped me. Taking nature photos also helped me stay in present.
    Big hugs!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Wendy. Looking at your outdoor photos have been great. For when I couldn’t get out of bed.
      Walking is the best. I want to keep it as a good regular habit. Off for a walk soon😁 Have a lovely weekend ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great news to hear you are through to the other side. Great suggestions. Being active does help. It’s just getting yourself over the hurdles to spin the wheel in a positive direction. Sending love 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so glad you’ve found joy again, LT😊. Each depression trip is such a unique journey, but I can say mine too often come with much slumber just checking out from everything. I find your dreaming method very interesting and a tool I’ll try whenever the dragon reappears. Nature and exercise has also been my ticket out of the funk. Welcome back my friend🤗

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hi Dwight. Glad to be back. Sleep glorious sleep. So glad I don’t have insomnia.
      The dreaming ‘method’ is enjoyable, visual and requires little effort. And looking back over it stimulates other ideas too.
      Went for a walk along the beach today on the sand. It felt good to be in the soft sand and working for each step. PokemonGo in hand too. I am reluctantly realising that I need exercise in my life. Hard to believe that I used to be so active. I got out of the habit of it.

      Liked by 1 person

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