Learning to pace myself

In the past and even now I tend to get enthusiastic about something, I live, breathe and sleep whatever it may be. The enthusiasm lasts for a while, a good while and then fizzles out. Gone.

It’s all about the pace. You cannot sprint a marathon. That’s commonsense. Yet why do I always try to sprint when I should be jogging. These running analogies aren’t working for me. I used to do cross country running. Now I detest anything above a walk. So what else can I use? Jog one lamp post, sprint one lamp post. Stop it.

Okay let’s try music. Tempo. Don’t know the words to describe it but here goes. No. scrap that.

I try to immerse myself in the lust of choice. I suck it dry. I spit it out, I get sick of myself. I walk away. Immersion is a good thing with language learning for example. But not with everything.

Longevity and good pace is what I am trying to add to my kit. Continuity should be there too. They are all linked.

Staying up till 6am engrossed is a wonderful thing. The sun comes up and you are still awake from the day before. Once in a while is fine. But it is unsustainable long term. You cannot tell which way is up. It doesn’t end well.

Pacing myself, being consistent, longevity these things are elusive. These are not linked with addiction, are they? This is a whole new me emerging.

Being sober feels like I am giving myself another chance in life.

I am just a girl standing in front of a mirror, telling myself I love you.

Or should that be “I love me?”

A side note: My recycle bin never gets full now. It is quite shocking how empty it is each week. No more bottles. No cardboard pizza boxes. Only the odd pizza now and then. The absence of bottles is noticeable by the lack of recycling. Calculating the money I am saving and it is breathtaking.

BONUS: Being sober=less recycling bin pushing+saving money

Why did I do it?

Why did I drink in the first place? I have no idea.

Today I claimed back the garden patio area with an evening drink of a mango and ginger salt lassi. The garden is now a place of peace, a place of fun and laughter and deep and meaningful and silly thoughts and ideas. The cicadas are out in force. The only thing absent now is alcohol from the scenario.

I like me without alcohol. Correction. I love me without alcohol. I don’t wish to ever drink again. Please quote me on this if I ever get wobbly thoughts.

Today is a good day.

I feel like I have turned a corner. For those of you who have been sober for years bear with me. I have been sober for 73 days. Many experiences are seen through new eyes now and I am so enjoying them sober.

Sober, sober, sober, yayyyyyyyy yo.

A woman standing behind me at the supermarket checkout queue had a basket full of rose wine and fresh corn. I didn’t feel anything when I looked at the wine. I did however notice that she had three bottles. I am glad that is no longer me. I think I notice more at the supermarkets now: what and how much people are drinking and I am quietly staggered how much money and effort my society puts into the pursuit of drinking. I am marveling at the money I am saving. My frugal nature is loving this new sober side of me.

I managed to get up early today. And was out the door running errands and getting things done. I even had shopping lists with me. I am beginning to plan better. Today was a successful day.

I do like Mondays.

On a hot summer’s day

All I could think about yesterday evening was how a glass of wine would be nice. I watched a film and they were drinking on that too. Cocktails and glasses of wine. I went on YouTube and the videos I watched people were drinking wine there too. I couldn’t get away from it.

It infuriated me. I ate instead of drinking wine. I didn’t need to eat. I wasn’t hungry. It was comfort eating. It was a habit. A bad one. The one good thing in all, I didn’t have any alcohol. I am still sober. Day 28.

Going strong with a wobbly day yesterday. I haven’t felt that I was missing anything. Okay the first week I felt and convinced myself I was giving up fun and joy. By week two I realised I was thinking stupid thoughts and I was gaining freedom and control of my life. Yesterday I slipped up with thoughts of what I am missing, instead of all the positive gains I have so far.

My skin looks better.
I feel proud of my self control.
I am SAVING money.
I sleep more soundly.

Insomnia is still with me. I cannot get to sleep before 2am. I am leaning into it. I am not getting upset with it. With my lifestyle I can manage. I don’t have a 9-5 job and so don’t have to get up early. But I am having brunch at 3pm and so my eating habits and sleeping habits are on European time. I’m living in the wrong time zone. Probably I need to set my alarm clock and get up early one day, regardless of the desire to stay in bed and sleep some more. Bite the bullet.