Learning to pace myself

In the past and even now I tend to get enthusiastic about something, I live, breathe and sleep whatever it may be. The enthusiasm lasts for a while, a good while and then fizzles out. Gone.

It’s all about the pace. You cannot sprint a marathon. That’s commonsense. Yet why do I always try to sprint when I should be jogging. These running analogies aren’t working for me. I used to do cross country running. Now I detest anything above a walk. So what else can I use? Jog one lamp post, sprint one lamp post. Stop it.

Okay let’s try music. Tempo. Don’t know the words to describe it but here goes. No. scrap that.

I try to immerse myself in the lust of choice. I suck it dry. I spit it out, I get sick of myself. I walk away. Immersion is a good thing with language learning for example. But not with everything.

Longevity and god pace is what I am trying to add to my kit. Continuity should be there too. They are all linked.

Staying up till 6am engrossed is a wonderful thing. The sun comes up and you are still awake from the day before. Once in a while is fine. But it is unsustainable long term. You cannot tell which way is up. It doesn’t end well.

Pacing myself, being consistent, longevity these things are elusive. These are not linked with addiction, are they? This is a whole new me emerging.

Being sober feels like I am giving myself another chance in life.

I am just a girl standing in front of a mirror, telling myself I love you.

Or should that be “I love me?”

A side note: My recycle bin never gets full now. It is quite shocking how empty it is each week. No more bottles. No cardboard pizza boxes. Only the odd pizza now and then. The absence of bottles is noticeable by the lack of recycling. Calculating the money I am saving and it is breathtaking.

BONUS: Being sober=less recycling bin pushing+saving money


Okay is better than perfect

One small action no matter how small is a step in the right direction. Even if poorly done is better than none.

61%, 72%, 85%, 93% anyone of those is okay.
If we try at 100% everyday we have no back up, no reserves.
If we try at 80% everyday we have a spare 20% waiting for if or when it is needed.
Rest and holding reserves are necessary.
Like with an iPhone battery if we charge it to 100% every time we actually reduce the capacity of the battery, whereas if we charge to 80%-90% and unplug we don’t run into the same issues.

I know 100%, perfection is unattainable. Yet I still strive for it subconsciously.

I used to try doing things perfectly. It would drive me crazy never being able to attain what I strove for. It was unhealthy. It was insanity. It was irritating. It was frustrating. Many things.
I see the damage in striving for perfection. It’s obvious when you stand back and look from a distance. When you are in the middle of it, perfection seems magical, easily attainable if one just puts in the time and effort, just a little more.

Now as I said I know that perfection is unattainable so I have gone the other extreme, not bothering at all. If I cannot do it perfectly then I’m not going to try. It won’t be good enough. This is ridiculous thinking. Nothing to do with being sober or not. It’s a give up mentality. Catherine Tate’s character Lauren springs to mind, “I ain’t bothered.”

Waiting for something to get the point of needing to be addressed is not the time to start doing something about it. Regular maintenance on a car is better than waiting for it to break down before fixing it. I can see the logic of it. I know doing something poorly is better than not doing it at all. I am on the other side of perfection. The mentality is the same just on the other side of the coin. The sticking point is perfection.

I must let go of perfectionism. This new phase of my life, this new sober me, has begun. It requires growth on my part. Effort. Effort I am willing to make because I want to always be continuously learning, becoming a better me.

A lack of consistency trips me up most times. I start with good intentions but give up and lose interest. Perhaps this is a safety mechanism, built in? Who knows? Doing something, anything is better than doing nothing. Not always but mostly.

One small action no matter how small is a step in the right direction. Even if poorly done is better than none.