10 months sober

For those of you wondering about my maths ability, yes, I jumped the gun earlier, and said I was 9 months sober when in actuality I was only 8 months sober. Today I am absolutely sure that I am 10 months sober.

A year ago today did I think I would be sober? Absolutely not.

A lot has changed.

Being sober seems to be the easy part. The ‘What Next?’ Step is the hardest. What I mean is facing myself and who I am is the challenge. I have spent all my life moulding myself to fit in, blend in or please that I don’t really know who I am. Don’t get me wrong I am not always entirely agreeable. I can be downright stubborn a lot of the time.

Am I being my true self or am I being an image I liked on Pinterest? Is it really me or is it an image of what I think I should be like? Today I have no idea. Today I cannot be bothered to do anything. I think I am afraid that I am nothing more than a couch potato.

My vegetable garden looks an overgrown mess. It is not tended well. Did I plant the garden because I like gardening? Do I want to grow my own vegetables? Because I saw it on YouTube and thought it looked fun, it’s on trend? Why did I bother?

Why did I start my vegetable garden?
I started it because I wanted to have more vegetables on my plate.
I want to eat healthier.
I wanted to have control over what food I ate, as in how it’s grown, spray free, etc,…
I like the idea of going outside to pick something fresh for the table.
The price of salad ingredients is ridiculous and so I wanted to grow my own for a fraction of the price. I wanted to save money.
Having a lawn doing nothing seems like a waste to me and so I wanted to create a garden that produces food for the table, an edible garden of what I like to eat.
The mulch from the hedge clippings goes into the garden and makes great soil. It all stays in the garden. Full circle.
I used the Hulgelkultur method so I could use rotten logs and branches and mulch and tidy up the place.
I measured the distance between the beds so I could easily fit a wheelbarrow between them. It was planned.

Marvellous answers to the question “Why” but do I really like gardening? Is it me? Or am I and will I always be a supermarket shopper? Today I find it hard to answer that. No doesn’t seem right. Yes doesn’t seem right either. I really don’t know. The fact that I have a broken leg and I can’t get about may have something to do with that. The garden doesn’t excite me today. Nothing does. Placing this in the too hard basket and will bring up the question to myself on another day.

In the garden

This is where I have been for the last while.

Feeling the earth.

Getting dirty.

Feeling the wind.

Sweating.

Moving my body.

Improving the garden.

Drinking lots of water.

Listening to and observing the insects and birds

My pace is slower than I had hoped but I’m okay with it.

Enjoying evening baths.


Sunny Summer Afternoon

The box of gourmet chocolates is now open on the coffee table in front of me. Several are missing. They were opened too early. They were supposed to be for Christmas. It’s too late now. They had been in the fridge cooling off. Now they’re too hard. They aren’t melting in my mouth like they’re supposed to. I have tried one of each variety just to make sure. Now I’m very sure.

Humidity is low, sunshine hours long, hardly a cloud in the sky today. A blissful day of song birds and cats lazing about. At last I have a regular supply of delicious pomegranate tea. I will stock up and hoard them next time I go shopping.

Lunch and dinner were rolled into one today. Steak and roast vegetables. The garlic bulb was suitably mushy and smeared over everything. Kumara (sweet potatoes), carrots, broccoli and asparagus. Al fresco under reed shade. A gentle breeze and good conversation. Sparkling water not wine. Today is an upbeat day.

Weeding and watering the garden will be a good evening task for later. Passionfruit, grapes, olives, strawberries, rhubarb and blueberries. Limes will be next year. Fingers crossed. Patience. My spinach from last year is acting crazy and has gone to seed. I have yet to pull it out and start again. Perpetual? Not.Time to tidy the next part of the garden.

Off now to make to most of the weather. A nap in the middle of reading on the lawn.
Enjoy today.

Today’s Sober Treats: Pomegranate tea, chocolates and Reading

The Village Effect: How Face-to-face Contact Can Make Us Healthier, Happier and Smarter by Susan Pinker