10 months sober

For those of you wondering about my maths ability, yes, I jumped the gun earlier, and said I was 9 months sober when in actuality I was only 8 months sober. Today I am absolutely sure that I am 10 months sober.

A year ago today did I think I would be sober? Absolutely not.

A lot has changed.

Being sober seems to be the easy part. The ‘What Next?’ Step is the hardest. What I mean is facing myself and who I am is the challenge. I have spent all my life moulding myself to fit in, blend in or please that I don’t really know who I am. Don’t get me wrong I am not always entirely agreeable. I can be downright stubborn a lot of the time.

Am I being my true self or am I being an image I liked on Pinterest? Is it really me or is it an image of what I think I should be like? Today I have no idea. Today I cannot be bothered to do anything. I think I am afraid that I am nothing more than a couch potato.

My vegetable garden looks an overgrown mess. It is not tended well. Did I plant the garden because I like gardening? Do I want to grow my own vegetables? Because I saw it on YouTube and thought it looked fun, it’s on trend? Why did I bother?

Why did I start my vegetable garden?
I started it because I wanted to have more vegetables on my plate.
I want to eat healthier.
I wanted to have control over what food I ate, as in how it’s grown, spray free, etc,…
I like the idea of going outside to pick something fresh for the table.
The price of salad ingredients is ridiculous and so I wanted to grow my own for a fraction of the price. I wanted to save money.
Having a lawn doing nothing seems like a waste to me and so I wanted to create a garden that produces food for the table, an edible garden of what I like to eat.
The mulch from the hedge clippings goes into the garden and makes great soil. It all stays in the garden. Full circle.
I used the Hulgelkultur method so I could use rotten logs and branches and mulch and tidy up the place.
I measured the distance between the beds so I could easily fit a wheelbarrow between them. It was planned.

Marvellous answers to the question “Why” but do I really like gardening? Is it me? Or am I and will I always be a supermarket shopper? Today I find it hard to answer that. No doesn’t seem right. Yes doesn’t seem right either. I really don’t know. The fact that I have a broken leg and I can’t get about may have something to do with that. The garden doesn’t excite me today. Nothing does. Placing this in the too hard basket and will bring up the question to myself on another day.


7 thoughts on “10 months sober

  1. This is quite normal as you approach your first year. You’ve probably heard the phrase, “the first year is a gift”? I’d be willing to bet you thought the one who said it was nuts, right? This is why.

    You’re learning that just being sober isn’t enough. Just not drinking isn’t getting it. You’re coming to realize there’s a lot more work to do and that reality sucks a little at first.

    BUT (!) this means you’re on the right path and doing the right things. Now it’s time to take the next step and work the recovery program on the rest of your life.

    You’ll be amazed at how free you can feel if you do the work. Amazed. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I haven’t heard that ‘the first year is a gift.’ Yes I am doing the inner work. Enjoying it today. I recognise I am on the right path and tackling the right questions. I have read many books on those early sober but not so much of the long time sober. I’m embracing the new rest of my life.
      DH wants me to get back into cycling. We’ll see. I have a cast on my leg atm. I discovered your blog today. Look forward to going through your recovery posts. And the cycling ones too.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I found myself wanting to volunteer when I first got sober, then was afraid to make a commitment, knowing I might hate it.
    So I took my time, and much later found a place I love.
    It’s all a giant learning curve!
    Yay on 10 months!

    Liked by 1 person

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