Happi

My Year of Well Being started on December 1st. Sounds awfully grand and OTT. It’s not really at all. I have been ruminating on the word Wellbeing, Well Being and Well-being. What does it really mean?

For every person this will be different.

I have been thinking on my affirmations too.

I am happy. I am healthy. I am wealthy. I am wise.

Again each of these words mean different things for different people. Making it to one year sober has been a pretty big deal, to borrow the expression from Ashley Graham.

Someone wrote last week in another person’s blog comment area that they didn’t think of being sober forever. I thought no, me either. When I started this sober journey I had the idea of seeing how I felt after a year and with the possibility of drinking in moderation after that. After my first month I thought that was a dumb idea for me. After six months, I thought how ridiculous for me. Who was I kidding. Now I think I am sober, and I want to continue being so. For how long? Who knows. It’s not a question I need to answer. For now and today I am sober. I like myself sober. I want to be sober. That’s really all there is to it.

Being sober is the first step. Tick. There already. Now I want to focus of being the best version of myself. Taking an internal journey and finding how to do this. I don’t expect to have all the answers at the end of my year. I expect to be further along the right path. I expect to be sober too.

I was looking at the word WELLBEING and hygge popped up again and again. It’s a lovely Danish word, Swedish too. It encompasses all that makes life comfortable with a candle, a cosy corner, a good book or a film and comfortable clothing, with or without company. It’s taking time to slow down. It means many things. Well being is one.

Hygge (pronounced HUE – GAH) really appeals to me. I got a book out of the library probably a couple of years ago on the topic of Hygge. I liked it immediately. I started to light a candle every time I wrote my morning pages. I used a plain tea light candle. No smell. And I added essential oils to my burner and away I went. It was a ritual I began and it became a daily habit.

How do I incorporate more candles into my life? Bath time. I have more tea lights for the bath. I gave the place a good clean and made it more inviting. I turn the lights out and watch the candles flicker. I turn the fan off and I lie in silence. It is peaceful. For now I’ve stopped reading in the bath. I no longer need to watch for wet fingers on the pages.

We are going into summer and the humid and hot weather hasn’t arrived yet so I will continue to have baths for as long as I can. Baths and summer don’t really go well.

Happiness and being happy is not the same for each of us. It is not plastering a smile on your face and wishing it to be so. It doesn’t work like that. I think we need to define it first.

Yet before we can begin to look at ‘happy’ we need the bare necessities. We need a roof over our head, clothing, food and sleep.

Happiness used to mean luck and prosperity and more of a collective idea for the entire country, these days it has become for an individual pursuit, a journey to an emotional state.

Happiness for me is when:

I spend time with DH.

I am in the zone with creative pursuits.

I sleep for at least eight hours a day.

I have a home that is clean, tidy and organised.

I have no anxiety.

I have depression tamed.

I have enough money to be able to live comfortably.

I fit the clothes in my closet.

I have no hot flushes or night sweats.

I eat/cook fruit and vegetables straight from our garden.

I am reading a book.

I am cuddling with the cats.

I am enjoying a cup of tea or coffee and something sweet.

I am watching a good film or series.

I am walking barefoot along the beach.

That will do for today. It’s not the entire list. It’s a start. Oh and by the way some of these above are written as if they are already achieved. I am not organised yet but I am making my way there. The garden is not where I want it but it’s on the way.

What is your version of happiness, either now or for the future? Write it as if you have already achieved it.

Fumbling, Star Gazer, Springer and Wiggly

Who is doing better?

Fumbling is at 100% of 30% energy. She got out of bed.

Star Gazer is at 30% of 100% energy. She is star gazing at lunchtime.

Springer is at 110% of 100% energy. She is multitasking everything.

Wiggly is at 80% of 50%. She is having a nap.

Decided?

Can’t decide between one or another?

Fumbling, Star Gazer, Springer and Wiggly are all doing just fine. There is no need to compare. Each is doing their own thing. If you must compare, then compare Springer today to yesterday, Wiggly today to yesterday, not Springer to Wiggly.

Fumbling is doing amazingly well. She pushed herself.

Star Gazer is taking time out. Resting her body.

Springer will burn out if she tries to maintain 110%. She needs to give herself time to rest.

Wiggly is making great effort. And has energy to spare.

I cannot perform at peak 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I need to pace myself. I also have to ask myself how I’m doing. Some days or moments I can push myself and other times I cut myself some slack.

Rest is as important as Action.

This past year, or to be more truthful, the past several years I have not pushed myself. I have rested. Soooo rested I have found it difficult to spring to action. There is no springing. More of a rolling into action.

On the days I am at 100% of 30% is a great day. On the days I am at 50% of 100% is a good day. I am learning to pace myself. Any day can be a great day.

I am learning to (cough) moderate my energy. Up till now it has been flat tack and then burn out. Nothing in between. Rest was burn out. That’s not how rest is supposed to be. I get that. I have relearnt that so many times. Stupid I know. But I will keep at it.

Cleaning, tidying up, putting things away and decluttering. Just writing that makes me want to have a rest. Those things. I am learning to do those things at 30%, 50% and 80% and be okay with it. It doesn’t have to be perfectly done. It really doesn’t. I am relearning to make an attempt. Be fine with the attempt and live with it.

I used to be so tidy until I overwhelmed myself. So overwhelmed I stopped caring. I have made it hard on myself. I am ready to face the clutter and mess. There will not be before and after photos. One swipe of a cloth at a time, one item discarded, recycled or donated at a time. I cleared a third of the kitchen bench yesterday. That’s a good start. I wiped out one shelf and the front of the fridge. I wiped down the bathroom sink. Don’t worry I won’t be detailing everything.

Wellbeing, well-being, well being, however you spell it involves just about everything. My environment where I live affects my wellbeing so it needs work. My wellbeing project began yesterday. I have made it a year of wellbeing. It doesn’t have to be all done by tomorrow. I have time. Action, rest, plan and repeat.