Category Archives: good habits

Best Time of Day

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I am observing myself closely and I don’t really know when my best time of day is.

Am I a morning person?

Am I a night owl?

Am I something in between?

For now I am not a morning person and I’m not a night owl. I think my best time is between 5-8pm. But I could be wrong. I will observe myself in the wild and come to some conclusion after a month of closely monitoring myself.

The fact that I am in bed recovering from a broken foot will make the experiment biased for sure. I like to think of myself as a night owl but that just wrecks me the next day. And for now I’m mending bones so I should get rest so the sensible thing is to get an early night.

Try telling that to my body. I want to sleep at 10am after having a full night’s sleep. Sometimes I can’t get to sleep till 3am. I am all over the show. Daylight saving has started already so I would like to get in sync with the sun. But let’s see how I really am rather that what I think I am.

How well do you really know your own body and routines. Are you living your best routine and timing?

I no longer drink so there’s no need to be up till the wee hours, right? Does creativity happen at 2am? Does it really? Or is 5am the. Magic hour? Or 7am? 1pm in the afternoon I am drowsy, or I have been lately. After food a nap seems like the best choice option. I don’t know.

It’s just after 5pm so off I go to draw. I’ve had my daily quota of licorice already today. Should have waited till after my drawing to consume but that didn’t compute today. We’ll tangle that carrot tomorrow.

And does the season change when your best time of day is? And does it depend on what activity you do? There are loads of variables. The weather, your mood, your appetite, your schedule, your life.

When is your best time of day?

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Hypoglycemia: Low Blood Sugar

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If you don’t drink alcohol it’s not the end of the world. You won’t die. You don’t need it. You only crave it or want it because it’s there. It’s a comfort, it’s a habit. It’s a drug.

If you don’t eat, it can be the end of the world. We need to eat and drink to survive. If we don’t we die.

Above I have stated the obvious. Ten months sober and I feel I have a handle on the not drinking part of life. The benefits of being sober outweigh the hangovers and lost moments of drinking life. The abundance of time that being sober opens up is a daunting thing. I am left with myself, my sober self. I cannot take a holiday from me. I cannot take a break from me. I am stuck with me. Before in my drinking days I would have taken a break from myself by getting drunk. Today I don’t need to escape from the isle of me. Have I got my life figured out? Not by a half. However I am learning to deal with myself as I am today. I am far from perfect. I am human after all.

My body deals with sugar poorly. I have known this for most of my life. To have a banana or something sweet in my bag was not uncommon. I used to know this. I forgot. Stopping alcohol gave my eating habits a wobbly unbalance. I compensated by binging on food. A common enough side effect of quitting alcohol. Ten months into this sober pursuit and I think I can now face my relationship with food.

I have hypoglycemia. That’s a fancy word for low blood sugar. When I have low blood sugar I can feel dizzy, lose vision, sweat profusely, be clumsy, feel weak and shaky, fatigue, light-headed, have trouble talking, pale skin, diarrhoea, pass out.

I cannot eat the way I used to drink. I cannot substitute food for the way I drank. I will damage my body. If I binge on sweet foods my body has to adjust and level out. It expects more sugar later but when that doesn’t happen it panics and carries on like in the symptoms above. It used to be scary. Now I don’t panic. But I can stop this from happening altogether. I can eat smaller portions more often. I can carry something to eat with me. I didn’t do this and I was a mess a few weeks ago. Literally.

Why do we do this to ourselves? We know what is good for us and what is not. We know this. We have read about it. Most of it is commonsense. Humans are supposed to be a smarter species but I beg to differ. We have two options, the right one and the wrong one. We often choose the wrong one, even with all the information and knowledge that the wrong choice is bad. We still go for the wrong one. Is it plain stupidity? I don’t know. We cannot help ourselves until we go so far wrong that we get to the place of make or break. Humans aren’t logical. We like to think we are but we aren’t. We try to complicate our lives by doing the wrong thing over and over but keeping it simple seems too easy? I really don’t know why we do the things that we do. Stubbornness is a big reason. Why do we rebel against ourselves though?Why must we make life harder for ourselves when we know the difference between right and wrong?

Back to the sugar. I need to regulate my sugar intake. I can no longer guzzle an entire bag of licorice without suffering consequences. Because if I’m honest it isn’t just a bag of licorice. It is the desire to eat what is in reach. It is not healthy eating. It is eating for the sake of eating. It is perhaps emotional eating. It is replacement eating for alcohol that I no longer consume.

I do not drink fizzy drink or soda. I haven’t for many years. I don’t drink fruit juice either. I have a sweet tooth. I haven’t baked in a long while because I will tend to eat all of the baking within a short space of time. Why? Because it’s there. I have not taken moderation seriously with my food. I love food. I took food holidays. Visiting balsamic vinegar making factories, eating wild boar, pickled sardines, freshly fried sardines, octopus, fresh mozzarella, tiramisu. I ate my way around places. I would cook in apartments with fresh ingredients from the markets. It was a great focus to travel. I did art holidays too. I followed the footsteps of Matisse. I followed the Byzantine. Reading up before I left. It was a great way to travel.

I am forcing myself to moderate my food intake. If I regulate how much sugar I consume then I won’t become hypoglycemic. Simple. No. Not so simple. I am bucking the habits of a lifetime. I am limiting myself to five pieces of licorice a day. I read the back of the package and a single serving is 40g or five pieces. I used to look at the back for fun and then eat the entire bag. I cannot do that anymore without consequences. Wake up me. Time to get real. I have done three days of self regulation of licorice. That for me is a big step. Because with that comes better eating habits all around. Salads and salmon. Toasted muesli. Kiwifruit. Yoghurt. Almonds instead of chocolate. Whole grain toast. Smaller portions. Eating when hungry, not just for the sake of it, eating better.

This evening I will have five pieces of licorice. No more and no less.

Food made with Alcohol

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Went out socialising last week surrounded by alcohol for the first time and more than survived. I had sparkling water as my drink for the evening. Dinner was great. I had dessert too. I enjoyed myself. I didn’t miss drinking alcohol. My dessert had alcohol in it but I let that slide. Tiramisu. I’m okay with that being in my life. I noticed that the slice of baked pear on the plate tasted of red wine too. Again, I’m okay with that being on my plate.

I’m not writing this to spark an argument but how do you feel about food with alcohol in it? I haven’t cooked with alcohol. Actually that’s not true. I cook with sake sometimes. Mirin too. It’s ingrained in Japanese cooking. I haven’t cooked with red/white wine. I don’t want to start the cooking with wine, one for the pot, one for me. I’m thinking of Spaghetti allla Vongole (Spaghetti with clams). Thinking aloud here really.

The reason I’m sober is that I cannot be a moderate drinker. I choose not to drink. I like myself better sober. I trust myself to have tiramisu out at an Italian restaurant and not feel like I’m failing myself. Put it this way, I didn’t feel the urge to order a glass of wine or limoncello after having dessert. That being said I don’t wish to buy alcohol filled chocolates. I don’t think that’s healthy for me. But having tiramisu while out occasionally is okay.

I have cooking wine, Chinese and Japanese in the kitchen and I use those for cooking for flavour. I have no desire to finish the bottle because it’s open. It stays in the cupboard. So what I’m asking myself is what is stopping me from using white or red wine? It’s the possible temptation of an open bottle sitting on the bench or under the bench. Nine months on and I think I’m okay with it. Just writing out these niggling ridiculous thoughts.

I just really love Spaghetti allla Vongole. Clams are cooked in the white wine sauce till they open. I didn’t use to make it often but I did have a glass or two of wine with it. More than. Now I think I’m ready to make it again without the glass of wine with the meal. Sparkling water is my go-to drink. Yeah. I think I’m okay with that.

That’s my rambling way of saying I’m okay cooking with alcohol. Tiramisu is not technically cooked so that’s an exception, I get that.

Buon appetito!

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

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BOOK: Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect – By Jonice Webb PhD. with Christine Musello PsyD.

Feelings of something missing or absent but not being able to put your finger on what exactly it is what this book deals with. There is no blaming of parenting, there is naming of the void or neglect, there is dealing with it and moving on and giving the tools to become an emotionally mature adult. Most of us are doing the best that we can with what we have at the time. When we become aware of better ways of doing things we can implement them. If we lack the knowledge we cannot change or progress. It all takes time and can only happens when we are ready for it. Nothing forced can become a lasting habit, it must be adopted openly. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right.

This has been such a great book. A great stepping stone book for those early sober and wanting to deal with all this new character assessment and searching deep within ourselves. Much of what I read I had already begun to face and it gave me a great sense of being on the right track to finding myself.

Recovering from the flu so my brain has been a little fuzzy this past week. If it doesn’t make sense that’s why.

An Involuntary “Yes”

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Last night I was asked if I’d like a sweet snack. I immediately yelled back, “yes, please.” I was in another room.

It took me a split second to realise that I wasn’t eating snacks at night. I was trying to NOT eat sugary delights. I changed my reply to a firm ‘no.’

Habit is what it is, involuntary automated actions or thoughts that inhabit our lives. The bad ones are hard to shake. They reply for us when we are undecided. I have gone five days without sugary snacks. I have lost weight. This is a good start. Today the weight plateaued but I know why. It was the tempura yesterday. Oily fried foods. Noted.

I have gone from absolute concentration to grumpy to head-achy back to grumpy and ho hum. When I wake up on Monday i will have made it to an entire week. Again I am determined to make it one week. Alcohol and sugar have been a huge part of my life for so long it is such a change to not reach for a glass of something or munch on something.

The involuntary yes to alcohol is no longer there. It is long gone. I am not a year sober yet but feel I have a handle on it. Or at least I do today. I haven’t been tempted. Sugar is still a firm habit that I am ripping off. The black adder tea was a Godsend last night. Licorice without the sugar.

Why is it that a bad habit is so hard to shake and a good habit so difficult to adopt? Both take effort. And we tend to take the easier option when offered choice. I know. And then when we are offered too much choice we freeze and make no decision at all.

I am choosing to be healthy.

Headaches and sleepiness

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Three days successfully without sugary snacks in the evenings but last night I was head-achy and oh so sleepy, so I took paracetamol and went to bed ridiculously early.

Confession. I had two small bites of an ice cream that was on offer yesterday afternoon.

Cutting out sugar from my diet feels just as hard as giving up alcohol. I was reading online if headaches were a thing when going sugar-free. It is. I had homemade jam on my croissant this morning. And for those thinking, that’s not going sugar free well it is good enough for me.

I am feeling quite determined this week. I feel ready to face sugar. I know realistically it won’t ever be absent from my diet but if I can get the processed food type of sugar away from my diet that will be a milestone. Then evenings are the hardest as I’ve mentioned earlier. I bought string beans yesterday. To have as an evening snack if I need a snack. I have salted peanuts, black adder (licorice) tea to have instead of licorice sweets. I bought strong Earl Grey tea and kiwifruit too. I am ready.

There is chocolate and ice cream in the house and I have not touched them. There are no cravings for either as I write this, but it’s not the witching hour so that’s hardly surprising.

I don’t want to be focusing on food all the time, but I need to get sugar under control. Bear with me. This is a health crisis prevention order I have given myself. I chose to be sober. Now I am choosing to be healthier too. I am facing my health. I can do better. More vegetables and fruit in my diet. My policy is focused on adding good habits to the diet. I am waving a carrot in my face in the best way possible.

Day 1 No snacking – Success

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Yesterday I had my first day of no evening snacking. I didn’t have any snacks. I was aiming to go for something healthy but I ended up having nothing, I didn’t miss it. I was engrossed in writing and drawing and the time flew by. Snacking didn’t enter my mind.

Yesterday was a victory.

After many months of being sober I still haven’t got the emotional or boredom or habitual grazing snack habit under control. Twenty one days to create a habit. Let’s see how we go. Dwight from Faded Jeans Living and Functioningguzzler are both on a mission to eat healthier and loose weight. What I read is inspiring.

I don’t believe in dieting, never have. I believe in healthy eating and good eating habits. I’m not into fads. I want this to be long lasting.

I hopped on the scales today and my weight has gone down a little. Progress. I have been making records with my weight since becoming sober. New records of “this is the heaviest I’ve ever been” kind of records. Today I see a turn for the better.

I’m going to write down what weight I want to reach. Here, I will put it out into the universe.

My goal is 75kg. (165.35lbs or 11.8 stone)

Instead of rewarding myself with chocolate and other sweet treats I need to look again and again at my Sober Treats and use the ideas and reward myself better.

Today I had toasted muesli, kiwifruit and yoghurt for brunch. The mornings, the afternoons are easy with regards snacking. I don’t have a problem with that time, the witching hours are after 7pm.

Help me get there. Push me, encourage me. Hold me accountable. Let’s get to where we want to be, healthier. I am joining Dwight of Faded Jeans Living and Functioningguzzler.

Library book obsession and a confession

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I am a library book hoarder. By hoarder I mean I see a book that I’d like to read and go straight to the library website and see if they have it and then request it. Hence to me having 15 books out at the same time. Yes even I can see that that is too many. Some are fiction some are non-fiction. No matter which way I look at it – It’s too many to focus on each book and give them the attention they deserve.

Case in point I have to return the Brené Brown book, Rising Strong today or pay a fine. It cannot be renewed. I’ve tried already. I am three quarters of the way through and I haven’t given it the full attention that it deserves. It wasn’t because it is a terrible book. It is a fantastic book. I have been hovering over other books and in the end distracted by all.

I have already started a book list, a written one, that I do by hand in a notebook. I started this last month, plus I have the Library page (check it out there some gems there) on this blog. In the future if I find a book to add to the list, I will do that and NOT request it immediately. I have put a freeze on some of my books on request. I am learning to pace myself with books.

We have a lot of books at home and I love looking at them. We sleep in a library. One entire wall, is covered in books in a custom build bookcase that I built. It is so tall that we need a ladder to reach the top. We have a book ladder. I had always wanted one. It doesn’t slide, there are no wheels, but it is solid wood and it looks the part. Ready for book retrieval once I get my clothes off it. It doubles as a clothes hanger. Multi-purposing is a good thing, right?

I will not be giving up books entirely. Never. I love to be surrounded my them. I just plan to reduce the number of library books I get out at the same time.

I have a confession to make. I found a library book that had fallen down behind a wooden box. I swore to the librarian that I had returned it months ago. She believed me. I believed me. Beside the book was the soda stream empty canister in its box that I had been looking for for months. I must have emptied out the car twice to no avail. We went out and bought two more canisters. Now we have three spares. Today I will humbly return the book that fell behind the box.

One book at a time.

I need reading in my life. Reading comforts me. It takes me to new and old places. It makes me think, laugh, and cry. It teaches me, it cocoons me in good times and bad, in dark thoughts and sad thoughts. Books are meant to be read. That said words are meant to be written, to be spoken or to be sung. If we are alone who can we share our words and thoughts with? Sharing out thoughts brings togetherness and understanding. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Share your thoughts. I’m listening.

Rising Strong

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Rising Strong by Brené Brown is such a good read. I am half way through and I know I should have read Daring Greatly before this but that’s the way the book requests came through, out of order.

Brené Brown is a researcher and delves into emotions such as shame and vulnerability. She focuses her life’s work in areas that most of us would rather not look at. She encourages us to face the uncomfortable and to give it language so we can better deal with our emotions and improve how we act, get up and do it all again.

I have watched many interviews of hers on YouTube, plus her TED Talk and I also read The Gift of Imperfection. As I read her books she narrates in my head. It’s an enjoyable experience. She has a Texan drawl and she tells it like it is. She asks tough questions and interviews countless people to draw conclusions and find answers as to how we think.

A question posed in the chapter I’m reading is:

“Do you think that people are doing the best they can?“

What do you think?

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I like to think of myself as hopeful and YES I do believe that people are doing the best they can. Even if the person in the car in front cuts me off, I don’t know what’s going through their mind. They may have just lost their job, they may have had terrible news, they may have run out of milk for their baby? I don’t know what is going through their minds or what is in their life. I may swear under my breathe but I leave it at that. At the time we make the best decision or choice as we are able. On the outside it may appear obviously a wrong choice but that is a judgement without all the facts. When we are strong we are able to make better decisions, when we are hurting or struggling we make the best decisions we can at the time.

Here’s to being hopeful.

Read Toolbox weekly

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I give good advice when asked. Great advice. But I am not so good at following said advice. So this is a reminder to myself to read my TOOLBOX weekly.

It’s written down. It’s not just content to bulk up the blog. It’s there for a reason. It’s there to help me and anyone else who is creating their own toolbox. I’m nine months into this sober new world and realise that deciding to become sober was like opening a door. It isn’t the end of a journey, it’s the start. What’s behind that door is what you make of it. Opening that door means facing certain parts of one’s life that haven’t been dealt with. Facing and dealing with it makes one stronger. You decide when you face your issues/fabulousness. It is all in your own time. When you are ready. No one else decides.

Along with my TOOLBOX is my LIBRARY, and man is that list getting longer. The list of books to read. I have another list of books, non alcohol related too. They haven’t made the cut to the blog. Not because they aren’t worthy but they are off topic. I just love reading.

Being sober is all of me now. I feel like I’ve had cataract surgery, or what I imagine it would be like after it. I see clearly now what I couldn’t before. Life is richer. Life is freer. That also means that there are more decisions to be made.

Back to the Toolbox. Read it weekly. Eat less chocolate. Clean the sink.