I swear I am not making this up. I really do wonder whose hands I have before me. These fingers with long nails and now nail polish. They really look so foreign to me. The nails are strong and longer than they have ever been. The nail polish on, bright and show-offy. Look at me. Yes. Look at me. Again. And again. They are really me. They are mine.

The hand moves up to my face and rests on my cheek. Waiting for a comment. A compliment. Compliments have been given already the day before. The newness of it all is wearing thin on others but for me I am shamelessly hinting and encouraging more.

I am like a 5 year-old with new school shoes, marching round the house in front of everyone and around and around until I am dizzy.

Will this novelty ever get old? The joy of long nails. I don’t think it will get old. I think this will spark joy for me for a very long time. After all, I have waited for this for 50 years. I can even tap my fingers on my computer and make a noise with my nails. Yes. An annoying sound but it is a noise just the same. I have never been able to make this sound before. I can now open cans with a pull ring by myself. I no longer need a knife to lever the tab up. Scratching my head sounds different too. Fascinating.

Seems such a frivolous thing to be so excited about but it so much more than long nails. Anxiety is melting away. Really has anyone else experienced long nails after stopping drinking? I mean that is the only thing that has changed.

Day 85 sober. I am almost at the three month mark. It is rolling around so quickly. How does it make me feel? Best decision ever. This decision to be sober. Wouldn’t go back to drinking. I say that now but earlier this evening I heard a new piece of music and I thought this would be good with a glass of wine. I didn’t follow up with getting a glass or anything. The thought floated up. I voiced my thought. And then it was gone. There was no desire to drink. It was a random thought. An old thought of mixing music and wine.

Insomnia is still with me. It is 3:36am and I am still awake. The rain patters on the roof. The crickets chirp in the night. The cats sleep sprawled out on the couch floating in a deep sleep. For now summer and insomnia are linking hands and running away through the fields. I don’t mind too much. The evenings are pleasant and I enjoy the stillness and the coolness after the hot sun of the day. When autumn comes I hope insomnia will be tired of playing with me and wander off and disturb some poor unsuspecting soul. I think my turn is almost up. I cannot be too greedy with insomnia’s time. She should share her talents with someone else. Like I said her bags are packed by the door. But she is too busy laughing and enjoying the moment. Patience. It is all I can ask for.

Did you see my nails? Yes, they are long, aren’t they. Yes. They’re my own. Yes. It’s a lovely shade. Shameless Red, maybe? I have no idea what it’s called. Did you say something? I was just gazing at my nails. Sorry? What?