Christmas 2018 was my first sober Christmas ever. It was relaxing and enjoyable. I say that because I estranged myself from my family. Best decision ever. Toxic family is the reason I drank. Noticing the reason why and dealing with that first was accidental. Followed by knocking alcohol on the head was the right way around. Wasn’t planned at all but that’s the way it happened.

I had a nice hot bath. Too hot in fact. My glasses steamed up plenty and made it hard to read my book. I washed my hair and feel all clean for the New Year.

I didn’t put the Christmas tree up this Christmas just gone. Didn’t buy Christmas cake or Christmas mince pies. No Christmas crackers in sight, much to the relief of DH. I did listen to Christmas music though. And I lit candles on Christmas day for dinner. I think I was feeling cautiously optimistic that I would be sober but didn’t feel too festive. I get that now. Next year will be festive with decorations. The absence of alcohol was nothing at all. It was the dread of giving up rather than realising what I was gaining. I flipped that on its head.

I didn’t send any cards or presents. I didn’t write emails at Christmas. I have hermit-ed myself away and indulged in the luxury of self-reflection, films and reading. Some might call that selfish but I call it necessary self care.

I have scribbled with Sharpies on a large sheet of paper ideas, thoughts, ramblings for the future. I feel hopeful and optimistic. Will put them into a more manageable form this week.

Happy Sober Year!