Batting on a sticky wicket

Almost a month ago I wrote:

Don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t ask why. Just let me be. This feeling will pass. I am just recording how I am feeling.

I feel low and sad. I let the tears run down my cheek. Sausage rolls are in the oven baking. I am in the same clothes as yesterday. I want to have a bath. Lie in Epsom salts and let the magnesium soak into my body.

Chronic insomnia is what I have. Trouble falling asleep. Caused by poor sleeping habits. I can see that. I don’t feel rested after waking up. It all began when I gave up alcohol. I thought I would ride it out. Let my sleep come back to me when it was ready. I can no longer wait.

On the edge of peri-menopause going into menopause and the hormones are all over the place.

Today:

A much better time of it. Life. I did a concentrated effort of work that I had been putting off for months. Normally I have a wine or two or more while doing it. It’s computer work, work, work. This week was the first time to do it sober. Starting was the hard part. It always is. Regardless of drinking or not. I motored through on Friday. My face said stay away I’m focused. Fierce is how I was described. Let’s just say I was not disturbed. Thursday, Saturday and Sunday I dithered and I dallied. Almost done with the job. And boy it feels good to get through it sober.

I am lining up projects to do now. Fun projects. I want to sort out my vegetable garden. Make it look better. Get rid of a grassed area and have it in raised garden beds and mulched pathways. A chicken coop next to it.

There is a heat wave. (Hardly but, for here yes.) The coming week looks on average 27-30 degrees Celsius (80-86 F). The humidity is lower than most years which is a bonus. During the day the cicadas sing and as evening falls the crickets break out into chorus. The cats lay sprawled out blissfully unaware of my stress to show up at the computer.

Insomnia is still with me. 3:30am yesterday. Falling asleep is becoming easier. It may not seem like it as i write this. Trust me it is getting easier. I am not stressing about it. It don’t have to get up early. I am living in New Zealand with a Mumbai body clock. For summer the long evenings are wonderful. I don’t really want to go to bed early. I’m not trying. When the weather cools off I will hopefully adjust naturally to going to bed before midnight. Optimism.

All good.

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