“I’ll never be able to joke about my drinking ever again.”
Conclusion: Case Dismissed with Prejudice.
Drinking is a part of my past. It happened. Most were good memories. Few were embarrassing. Some were lucky, some were stupid. I survived. I will no longer be the scapegoat of the family as the drunk one. The stories were rehashed over and over. They were old and stale and I have not found them funny for a long time. They were maliciously spoken. Enough is enough is enough. (I no longer speak to my family but that is beside the point.)
I am now one of the sober ones. That does not make me the serious one. (Some make think I have always been serious.) I do however take life seriously in that I want to be here and enjoy life, to love and be loved, to laugh, to cry, to feel, to create, to care and to dance and sing badly.
I will remember the time when…. and I will remember the time I did…. It is a reminder that I was young and not so young and foolish and using alcohol as a prop when I thought I wasn’t strong enough to face what I was avoiding. Other times I will remember for the plain stupidity of it all. I have come out the other side. I have survived alcohol. The remembering will be on my terms. I won’t look back in anger (Thank you Coldplay) or disgust or loathing. It is what it was. It was a part of me. It is the past.
I will continue to have a sense of humour, be fun or glum and enjoy life. New memories will be made. Life is for living in the present.